Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
