She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
