I think I am morally bankrupt
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
