So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
