You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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