He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
