I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
