Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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