I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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