the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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