Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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