he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
