im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
