I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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