Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
