You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
