I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize