Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
