i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
