i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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