I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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