hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
