I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize