Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize