I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
