And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
