I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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