Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
