i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize