I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
