My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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