I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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