Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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