I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
