Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
