areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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