Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
try to milk me bitch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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