how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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