So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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