apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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