what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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