Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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