Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize