I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
