Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
