plz talk dirty to me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
