it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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