Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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