She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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