I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize