I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
