It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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