Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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