Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
nutella sex= disaster
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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