I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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