I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
