It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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