I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize