Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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