I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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