Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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