jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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