Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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