after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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