WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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