can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wear drunk well.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
