I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
