my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize